If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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