I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
sex in a hospital.. check
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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