I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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