we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
