It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
