There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
