Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
