I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
