I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
