I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
