Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
