My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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