WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
