so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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