Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
