It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
