she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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