I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
