I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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