nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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