I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
