So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
