I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
whose ass print is on the piano?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
