she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
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I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
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And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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