why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
