I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Are we still banned from the library?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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