My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
