"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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