it's too hot outside to masturbate.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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