Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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