sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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