I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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