I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
