Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
