I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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