Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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