She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
