I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
