i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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