return my video game
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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