I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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