hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
