she was so not down for the gang bang
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
