There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
