Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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