whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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