Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
