I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
