his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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