Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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