people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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