From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
