apparently the secret to your success is patron
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
