Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Houston, we have a squirter
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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