So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Last time i carry you out of a forest
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
