her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think my moral compass just broke
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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