I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
