dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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