Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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