After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
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yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*