I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
