I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face