Texts From Last Night

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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.

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  (225): i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking. http://tfl.nu/sgts
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.

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  (856): just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better. http://tfl.nu/p7cf
  Replies (28) Good night (7845) Bad night (669)
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  (+44): View more from England

  mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.

  (+44): View more from England

  "and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"

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  (+44): mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes. (+44): "and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'" http://tfl.nu/aeg7
  Replies (32) Good night (4295) Bad night (1288)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.

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  (502): he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel. http://tfl.nu/c4zc
  Replies (42) Good night (1448) Bad night (4761) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell

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  (270): I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell http://tfl.nu/jfse
  Replies (17) Good night (5705) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how

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  (954): i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how http://tfl.nu/jixl
  Replies (15) Good night (916) Bad night (3438) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?

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  (920): did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve? http://tfl.nu/wzep
  Replies (3) Good night (942) Bad night (2658) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.

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  (314): In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk. http://tfl.nu/6bmy
  Replies (28) Good night (6714) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed

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  (717): I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed http://tfl.nu/mass
  Replies (6) Good night (2092) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.

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  (760): i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days. http://tfl.nu/h902
  Replies (11) Good night (1985) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?

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  (253): Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls? http://tfl.nu/i6ht
  Replies (18) Good night (3918) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.

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  (410): I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming. http://tfl.nu/sdt5
  Replies (4) Good night (2116) Bad night (690)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable

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  (248): Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/6hsi
  Replies (3) Good night (1375) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?

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  (443): This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled? http://tfl.nu/awza
  Replies (3) Good night (952) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY

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  (204): HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY http://tfl.nu/xzgm
  Replies (6) Good night (720) Bad night (162) Order T-Shirt

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