Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
She needs sedatives and a leash
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.