I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven