I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
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The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's