Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.