I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
