I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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