You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
