At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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