I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize