office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
