I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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