everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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