Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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