If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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