Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
