dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
