Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
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When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
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I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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