well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
